Another great example of refusing to reinforce negative behavior. Originally found at [http://www.manwithzen.com/late-friends-deal-with], link now dead, all rights theirs.
**How To Deal With People Who Are Notoriously Late
** by Nicolas Kysak in zen with others </p><div>
It seems that everyone has a friend who’s always late. If you’re about to meet at ten, they always turn up 25 minutes after. They’d sooner appear riding a gold-plated unicorn than actually arriving on time. Telling them to occur on time falls on deaf ears. But don’t despair, remedy is at hand. </p>
Phase 1Once I have conducted a small experiment. I was to meet my friend at eight o’clock. Since I knew he’ll be late I arranged to come there 50 minutes after the hour. At 8:45 my cell rings. “Where are you? I just came to the bar. I’m looking for you and I can’t find you!” I replied that I am on my way and I’ll be there in 10 minutes.
When I finally arrived the first thing he told me was that I was late. I answered that I’m late as well as he was. If I’d arrived on time I’d be sitting there for 45 minutes alone. He didn’t even call to let me know. Maybe his unicorn cut loose and he had to go to the wild to catch him. And wild means no GSM signal coverage.
Their mindsetIt’s interesting that if such a person must wait for you, he’s angry and feels insulted by your tardiness. Such people don’t realize that they behave in the exactly same way. They’re obsessed with others coming on time, but they tend to find morbid to do the same thing themselves.
When Phase 1 doesn’t workIf aforementioned method doesn’t work then you’ll have to play little more rough.
1. Be on time and turn your cell phone off
In this case, mobile phones are a poison. They allow people to call you 5 minutes before due time to let you know that they’ll be 25 minutes late while it takes them 15 minutes to get there. So it’s wise to cut off this excuse delivery channel. Putting the phone in the silent mode isn’t very good idea. The phone will ring and the text message will be delivered. That’ll give them leverage in the following argument.
2. Turn on the 15 minutes countdown and order a beer
After whichever comes to an end first (it’s usually the beer) you pay and leave the bar. Switch the mobile phone on.
3. Get ready for the call
When your notoriously late friend arrives and won’t find you, he’ll call you to blame you that you’re late. Be strong and talk in calm voice. Tell him that you were there on time and left. You waited for him, you finished your beer nectar or 15 minutes passed and you thought he’ll not come. He might argue that he tried to call you or sent a text. Answer that you’ve turned your cell off because you’re tired of hearing the same excuses again.
This procedure might seem harsh, but some people just don’t get it. You asked them to come on time and you’ve tried the Phase 1. There isn’t any other way.
Nobody likes people who are always late and if they think that they’re of such importance, they’re wrong. The important part of any friendship is mutual respect. By constantly showing up late the other party shows a great lack of it. Therefore, you have no obligation to honor it as well.
Case study: Late guy losing friends
I have a friend who’s never on time and now has a little daughter. As anticipated, he started using her as an excuse. We tolerated it for a while, but she can’t be the scapegoat forever. Moreover, he has other child on its way. I wonder how he will manage those two, if he cannot manage one.
I noticed that because of this many of his friends deserted him. It’s true that children come first. But by being constantly tardy he shows his friends that they mean nothing to him. It’s only logical that their desire for his company had withered.
As a matter of fact I happened to stay one of the last Mohicans still willing to meet his Lordship. But not any more. I deployed the Phase 2 and we had a quite an argument. Not because he was late, but because I dared to leave the pub. I’m meeting him more and more rarely and I’m sorry because he was my best friend. By being less and less reliable and thus reputable, he writes an obituary to our friendship. Sad, but true.